god loves ugly.

Whether we’re 12 or 102, I think we all battle insecurities. As we get older, we hopefully understand a little better how to control them as well as how we allow (or not allow) them to define us or affect us in a negative way. I’ve been reading a new book: God Loves Ugly by Christa Black. She shares her own journey of insecurity and how it’s shaped her into who she is today. She has a passion for teaching women the importance of taking control of how we think because it not only affects how we feel, it affects how we respond to ourselves, to others, and to our circumstances.

When I was growing up, I perceived myself as the awkwardly quiet fat girl with frizzy hair and braces. Now granted, I’ve always dealt with weight issues most of my life, but in high school it became an obsession. I was a dancer, but I’ve never had the body type. As a size 10, I was the biggest girl in my class. So I did what I could to “get skinny”. I worked out incessantly and I ate next to nothing. Looking back on it now, I would say I struggled with anorexic tendencies. Now granted, I never got unhealthily skinny. I maintained a healthy weight that in my opinion (at the time) was overweight. I remember my Dad being confused one day when he asked me what size t-shirt I needed for an event. I immediately responded “extra-large”. He looked at me quizzically and asked if I was sure I wanted one that big. See, in my head I was an extra-large girl. I still have one of those t-shirts. In fact, it’s one of my favorites to sleep in, but even now, as a size 14, it’s still way too big for me.

I was also a shy kid. And unfortunately, shy is perceived as either snobby or boring. I like to believe that I was neither. I surrounded myself with very outgoing, very confident, (and very beautiful) girlfriends. When I was a freshman in high school, I remember going to the mall with my friend, Stacy. We ran into an acquaintance of ours who introduced us to a guy from another school down the road. I was immediately entranced in his gorgeous blue eyes. When I say it was love at first sight, it was love at first sight. Of course, Stacy carried on a conversation with him for a good 10 minutes while I stood there awkwardly, blushing uncontrollably, and trying not to stare at him and his incredible handsomeness. I think besides telling him my name, I never said another word. As we walked away, I told Stacy that I, of course, was in love with him. The good friend that she is made it her mission to get us together. We dated for about a month, but I remember him telling me that he thought I wasn’t interested because I barely spoke to him. I was comfortable taking a backseat to my friends, allowing them to shine. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t have anything to say. I am and continue to be an internal processor. Not to mention that boys scared the hell out of me. It wasn’t until college that I finally felt comfortable enough to engage in conversations with guys. What I then learned about myself is that the guys that I am drawn to are the ones that make the effort to really get to know me, help me feel comfortable in my own skin, and who aren’t intimidated by my “quietness”.

The other day I was discussing some of this with my friend, Jenn. She made the comment that I have a gift for connecting with people quickly and a passion to get to know them. I looked at her blankly. This is something I never really observed about myself. I still see myself as that awkward shy girl trying not to come across as snobby or boring. Sometimes we need friends in our lives to mirror back the TRUTH of who we are, not the flaws that we see.

Tonight I shared with our 7^th grade girls at church a little of what I’ve been learning from this book. Christa pointed out 4 specific things that’s true for all of us:

· We are all wonderfully unique.

· We are all talented in our own ways.

· We are all beautiful.

· We are all worthy of love.

Today I choose to embrace the truth.