grace eventually.

I want to be inspired....

This week has been weird. I can’t put my finger on what exactly has been weird. The weather outside has been perfect which just makes me want to lie in a grassy field somewhere and forget about life for awhile. It’s the end of the quarter at Tech which doesn’t directly affect me, however, due to the number of friends that I have that are students, I can sense the stress that has been rampant the last few days. Summer is around the corner, again something that really doesn’t affect me since I work full-time year round:) I’m approaching month 3 on the new job. I think one of the biggest challenges for my job is that a good portion of it is working on my own. For the most part I enjoy this; however, I often need to be inspired. I need someone who’s a visionary to dream with me. I wish I was a better dreamer….unfortunately I’m more of a detailed do-er. Give me a task and I’ll complete it to the best of my ability. I’ve decided that I need to incorporate dreaming/visioning into my job on a weekly or bi-monthly basis lest I burn out. It sounds simple enough yet so far I’ve struggled with it. I think I’m still trying to find my niche…my purpose for what I’m doing. Although Trinity has always been strong in Adult Education and Discipleship, it’s been mainly lay-driven. I think that’s amazing since they are the ones that are doing ministry on a weekly basis. I get to resource them, encourage them, and support them. I don’t want to become complacent…I want to know that what I’m doing matters…that somehow I’m making a difference. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the friends that I’ve made over the years. ALL of them are good at something…art, graphics, photography, fashion, design, teaching, inspiring. Sometimes I have a hard time pinpointing what it is that I’m good at. I wonder what it is that I bring to the table. I say this not to be self-deprecating. It’s just something I’ve been thinking and praying about the last several days. Today I just want to be inspired…

Check this out!

11:21 AM
1 Comments

update on life...

conversations

I often wish that the thoughts in my head could somehow miraculously end up on paper or transcribed onto my blog. Of course, there are also those thoughts that I wouldn’t subject anyone to lest I be sent immediately to the insane asylum:) I’ve been reflecting on the last couple of months…some of the most heart-wrenching but also exciting days of my life. The blow of Chris’ tragic death has softened although certain days he still floods my thoughts…the 5th of every month signifying another month since he died, April 25th—his birthday, and Mother’s Day. I thought about his mom all day yesterday and wished I could get in touch with her to let her know I was thinking about her. This Mother’s Day was weird for me. I was flooded with thoughts of those women who either lost their moms or a child this year. I also found myself thinking about my own “lack of” motherhood. With each passing year, I wonder if I’ll ever have any kids of my own. On the flip side, I found myself even more grateful for my 3 Godchildren. Unintentionally, I had decided that yesterday would be the day I would hang out with Garrett, my eldest Godson since we haven’t had a chance to do anything together in quite some time. They continue to mean the world to me and those days when I question my life here in Ruston, I look at their faces and know how lucky I am to live close to them again.

In March I transitioned to a new position at the church, Director of Adult Ministries. I’m over Sunday School, small groups, women’s ministry, etc. So far it’s been a great fit. I’m getting to know our amazing leaders and visioning for the future. We had our first Women’s Retreat last weekend and I got such great feedback from the women that attended. I have a great office that has become a haven for many of my co-workers. It’s a great representation of my personality and it’s my hope that it will be a great space for ministry. Since I’m still only a 30-hour-a-week employee, I’m also still working away at Starbucks. A lot of transition has happened there too and I’ve been amazed to see how we’ve really stood together as a family even though we lost such a great leader. Some weeks all I feel like I do is work. What’s worse are those weeks where I feel like I work all the time with no end result. The thing about ministry is that you can’t always measure your productivity by what you check off your “to do” list or even by a set of expectations that are met. It’s in the little things like conversations over coffee, time spent in prayer, or even taking some of the load off someone else’s plate…

The last couple of months I’ve had a lot of interesting conversations with different people. Some were about faith, some about life….. I am surrounded by a diverse group of friends…I attribute that to Starbucks. As I get to know people my faith typically comes into play in some fashion. It easily comes up in conversation because I work at a church. The responses are always intriguing, but generally as people get to know me they realize that me being a Christian doesn’t mean that I’m judgmental, hypocritical, or incapable of having fun. The truth is I love people, I really really love people. I love the traits that make up a person, their quirks and their passions, down to the core of who they really are. On the other hand, it is my hope that whether or not someone shares my religious views, they will offer me the same respect that I desire to give others. My relationship with Christ stands at the core of who I am…I will never make apologies about that. Unfortunately we live in a world where Christianity is misconstrued. Many people have been hurt by Christians or by the church. I can’t change that…I can only offer the love and grace that has been extended to me by my Heavenly Father. Am I perfect at it? No. Sometimes I fail miserably. It’s then that I have to ask for forgiveness and try again.

1:45 PM
1 Comments

Goodbye my sweet friend.

good friends

11:49 AM
2 Comments

What I've concluded...

birthdays

I love to read other people's blogs, but am not so good at keeping up with my own. I find this bizarre because I've always always loved to write. I used to always love to go to Hallmark and peruse cards for an hour, but I discovered yesterday I'm not really into that anymore either. Of course, I was on a time crunch yesterday so finding the perfect card for the birthday girl is a little stressful when you need to be back in the office ASAP. What I realized when I got back to the office was that I had chosen a sweet card that said nothing about birthdays! Oh well...I think she enjoyed it just the same. I decided to sum up my life over the last month in a list form. It's been a crazy adventurous month and I have often thought, "Oh, I need to blog about this." Now if I really blogged about all of those things, we might be here til next week so here goes!

1. In mid-January, one of my favorite professors from seminary, Dr. Sandy Richter, came to Trinity to speak at our annual Ashram. I got to pick her up from the airport, eat a meal with her, drink coffee, and be her personal assistant basically for 2 days PLUS hear her amazing teaching. It was heavenly. I actually cried when she left...I later figured out that was just a hormonal response:)

2. A friend of mine from highschool, Sandy Parkman had a brain tumor removed this week! Crazy! It was an insane week of praying and waiting and encouraging and hoping. The surgery went well and the doctors have said the tumor (which took up 1/4 of her brain) is low-grade but she should get official results in the next 3 or 4 days!

3. Well, there's some other big stuff going on but it's just not time to reveal it yet! Hopefully by the time I get around to blogging again, it will all be official:)

4. I decided to make a hair change as seen in the above picture. The last time I had bangs was my freshman year in college. Who knew they could make me look so different?!

5. My birthday is next week and I have almost a week's worth of events planned! What can I say, I love birthdays! Here's the rundown:

Wednesday (my actual birthday): Dinner at Superior Grill in Shreveport; my friend Sarah booked us a hotel room at the Horseshoe so we could play in Shreveport on Thursday!

Thursday: shopping on the Boardwalk, pedicures

Friday: Dinner at Samurai, a joint birthday celebration with my good friend, Becky Clark!

Saturday: "Confessions of a Shopaholic" at Celebrity Theatres and scrumptious cupcakes from Curls (if you've never tried these, you should!)

Sunday: G-Love and Special Sauce (we listened to them quite a bit in college) is playing at the Horseshoe that night; my friend Melanie bought us tickets!

Bring on 32!