grace eventually.

Colbie Caillat

A couple of months ago, Aaron and I went to see Colbie Caillat in Shreveport. Seriously one of the best concerts I've ever been to. It was at the Riverdome in the Horseshoe and not very crowded at all so it had that more intimate feel that I prefer over concerts in huge arenas where you might be able to see them if you use your high-powered binoculars:) Here's a few pics...not the greatest in quality but I refuse to use my flash at shows like this!

Last night I bought her new album. AMAZING! It's crazy to me that someone as beautiful and talented as she is could have insecurities, but she does and she's not afraid to share it. I feel her album will be one that gets me through this current season of life. I wanted to share what she wrote in the liner notes.

Hi! These songs are about growing up, experiencing life, love, making mistakes, & learning from them. I recently learned something about myself. For a lot of us, when life gets hard to deal with & keep up with, it becomes easier to give up on & let go of. I found myself doing that a lot & I was slowly falling apart. But...I woke up from it. I realized I wasn't happy settling for less or letting myself become someone I wasn't supposed to be due to laziness. I had to Breakthrough my fears, my insecurities & my self doubt. There are so many battles that we all have to go through in life that are for us to learn from, we grow stronger from them. I just learned this. I want to remind myself & everyone out there that we have to Breakthrough all the little things we tell ourselves we can't do because we are scared, & just step up & do them. This record is about becoming the person you want to be, having will power & letting nothing hold you back. So try not to let great things pass you by, start making things happen that you really want in life! I hope these words help you, if you are in need of them...I wrote this record with great friends of mine over the past two years. I wanted to make music that people could listen to while driving on a long road trip, while dancing at a party with friends, while laying out at the beach or sitting at their desk at work. I wanted to give people songs that they could fall in love to, lay down & cry to, songs & stories that they can relate to so they feel like they aren't the only ones going through whatever it is they are going through in life. Music is for you to listen to & forget about your worries. These songs can mean whatever you want them to mean, they are now yours. -CC

Thanks, Colbie.

11:29 AM
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travels, part 2.

silent retreat

12:01 PM
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Angry Conversations.

angry conversations

Lately I feel like a crazy person. I literally will weep for hours on end (last weekend I cried for 2 hours & when I say cry, I mean sob). This is not normally something I like to share. As I recently e-mailed my closest friends, I hate asking for help. It makes me feel weak, but I can attest that just the sheer fact of admitting to them that no, I'm not ok & yes, I'm incredibly lonely, knowing that they're standing w/ me praying, calling, e-mailing, texting, making plans to hang out, I feel better. A couple of nights ago, Aaron & I went to Barnes & Noble. I wasn't looking for anything in particular but I always like to peruse the "Christian Living" section just to see what they have on their shelves. This particular night I found "Angry Conversations with God" by Susan Isaacs. I had actually heard of this from one of my favorites, Don Miller, but had never looked into it. Considering where I'm standing, I couldn't help but pick it up & after reading the intro, buying it. I plan to review it on here one, so maybe I'll actually get in the habit of blogging/journaling again, and two, because I know I'm not alone where I'm at. For me personally, the fact that I've grown up in the church, have an MDiv from an accredited seminary, & now work in a church, it's sometimes hard for me to be really honest with how I'm doing b/c I feel guilty, ashamed, & that I should have it all together. Yesterday I met with Andy & I must say I was surprised when he looked at me and said, "Why are you minimizing what you're feeling?" I guess I didn't really realize I was doing it, but if I think about it, I do it all the time. I try to see the bright spots which is definitely not a bad thing, but I downplay what I'm really feeling. I'm trying to work on that, however, I think there's a part of me that's afraid that if I share what I'm really thinking or feeling, it may not be received well. My views on life, God, & the church has changed over the years. I find myself asking more questions than I ever have...maybe it's b/c I finally figured out that it's okay to ask & not just accept all things as truth. I think maybe that's why I relate so well to authors like Don Miller, Anne Lamott, & Susan Isaacs. They say what so many of us are thinking but are too afraid to say out loud...

11:35 AM
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You've Got Mail...

age

So I get on these kicks where I pick one movie or tv show and it stays in my DVD player for weeks. For the longest time it was the Gilmore Girls, but we all must take a break from Stars Hollow now and again. As of late, I've been watching You've Got Mail. I remember seeing it in theaters. I was in college (during the time of dial-up internet), it came out in December right around my best friend April's birthday. Although I don't remember the exact year, I do remember which guy she was dating, but I will refrain from mentioning as he is insignificant in her life now. Anyway, the other day I was folding laundry while You've Got Mail played in the background and my ears perked up when I heard Meg Ryan say, "On my birthday, I wandered into the over-30 (chat)room as a joke..." I froze. Did she just say OVER 30? That means that me, along with several of my girlfriends are now catching up to our favorite movie characters! Eek! Not that I mind being in my 30's. So far it's served me well minus a few unmet dreams here and there. It's just weird.

The other observation I've recently made from several romantic comedies/dramas is that the main characters are typically in their 30's and not married. I'm not sure why but here in the South, most girls get married fairly young...at least by the time they graduate from college. I think about who I was when I was their age and I shudder. Not that I think they made a mistake by marrying so young, I just know for me I'm not the same girl I was at 22. I had a conversation with a friend today about someone he's close to who dated their boyfriend all through highschool and college and eventually married. He wondered if they really loved each other or if it was just the next logical step. I often wonder that about many couples. The thought of being alone forever is frightening, this I can attest to, but what I do know is that I would much rather be who I am on my own than in a relationship for the wrong reasons.

Well this blog has taken a different direction than I intended. It was really more of a pondering of age in movies and the hope that as a 32-year-old, I can be as refined and thoughtful as Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail. I leave early tomorrow morning for my final trip of the summer...New Orleans! Be back Tuesday!