grace eventually.

I recently celebrated my 4-year anniversary with Starbucks a couple of weeks ago. I just found this blog I wrote in honor of my 1st anniversary and thought I'd share.
********************************************************
One year ago yesterday, I met Greg Melnyk, my first-ever Starbucks manager, along with Clay Mason and some other folks who no longer work for the company, for our first official training session. I was a little intimidated and uncertain of what my future with Starbucks would hold. A year later, I'm still with the company, only I'm in a new store in a different state. As I look back over the last year, a few things stick out. One, how quickly everyone in our store acclamated to one another when we opened the Nicholasville/New Circle store last July. When I left Lexington in December, only 6 months after my first day, I felt like I was leaving behind family. Two, I still love my job and although I have no clue how long I'll continue with the company, I'm excited to be a part of it. Three, when I visit other Starbucks when I'm traveling, I always check out the bathrooms...not for cleanliness per se but because I've seen some of the coolest bathrooms in Starbucks. Yes, I know this sounds weird:) Unfortunately, neither my old store in Lexington nor my new store in Ruston have cool bathrooms. Four, Greg told us during training that one day we would have this "Aha" moment when everything would just click. We would come to the point where we could make drinks and carry on a conversation without much thought and provide the legendary service Starbucks is known for. It's true...although I have no clue when my "Aha" moment occurred. And lastly, I've been at my new Starbucks for a couple of months now and although I still miss my Lexington family very much, the Ruston crew have welcomed me in and made me feel very much a part. I am grateful. I know I wouldn't love my job as much as I do if it weren't for the Starbucks partners.

I knew my life had been insanely busy lately, but I didn't realize how busy til I remembered that I haven't blogged in almost a month! I mean, I know you have all been waiting with bated breath to read my next post:) Let's see, in the last month I've said goodbye to 3 good friends and got word this weekend that another kindred soul passed away. Ironically I was out of town when I got the news...running away from the reality of my sadness here in Ruston. Funny how I've yet to learn that you really can't escape. The last time I went out of town was for a girls weekend trip for my birthday back in March. It was then I learned Andy was moving to Lubbock. I've been joking with everyone that I'm not going out of town anymore, lest I get bidded with more bad news. I've got enough change on my plate to get me through the end of the year, thank you.

In other, more positive news, Avery turned 3. This is from her birthday swim party. The girl is obsessed with Monsters, Inc., especially "Boo" so I had to search cyberspace to find her this doll since that movie is several years old. She loved it, of course. I'm constantly amazed at the things she says. One day Pop (Claire's dad) was talking to her about something and in the midst of that said her name. She looked at him and said, "Pop, my name is Petey-Pie!" She has a lot of names, but apparently Pop's nickname is her favorite:)

Lately I’ve been thinking about belonging. Personally, it’s been more of a struggle as I’ve wrestled with my own sense of where I belong. As a 33 single girl, my time fluctuates mostly between my married friends and my gay boyfriends. Although I love both groups dearly I often find myself feeling like I don’t fit. Sadly it’s even magnified in the church. As I recently had a conversation with 2 girls, younger than I, but who also fit into my so-called category, the church just doesn’t know what to do with us. Their first instinct is to start up another singles ministry. Typically what you find in these groups are older single/divorced/widowed people. I’m not really sure we fit there either. Truth be told this is a new place for me. In high-school, everyone’s on the same level. You hang out with the people in your class who are working for the same goal: to graduate and move on! College is a little different but you’re still working towards a similar goal. When I was in college I belonged to the Wesley Foundation. For the most part, everyone was single (aka not married) and we were always hanging out and learning what it meant to rely on one another as a community. In seminary, although more people were married, I was able to develop a group of friends that were a mix of married and single whom I adored. We were all working towards the goal of learning what it meant to be in ministry. I met my best guy friend there. He taught me a lot about trust and when I pulled away, he pushed. He was there when I was at my lowest and challenged me to keep walking even when it was painful. He didn’t expect me to be anyone but myself. For that I will always be eternally grateful but it took us a long time to get to that place. When we graduated, we both moved back to our hometowns. He got married and now has a beautiful baby girl. Although we are miles apart and only talk every few months, that bond is still strong. I knew when I moved back to Ruston, finding my place would be a struggle. It’s a college town filled with families. I am neither. I am thankful my family is here. I am thankful I can see my 3 beautiful God-children whenever I want, but at the end of the day I often wonder what my purpose is. I don’t say these things in an attempt to get sympathy. I know my life has purpose. I’m just being honest. And I know I’m not the only one who shares my frustration. Some days are easier than others. Yesterday was not one of those days. As I was sitting with one of my good friends and another guy I had just met, the new guy made a comment about “fag hags.” If you’re unfamiliar with this ridiculous term, it’s basically girls who spend the majority of their time with gay boys. As much as I don’t want to, I sort of fit into this category. Now don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade those guys for anything. They’re good friends but if you look more closely you’ll see my intent is not so healthy. It goes much deeper to my trust or “lack of” trust in men. This isn’t new, but I’ve come to realize how much I use those gay male friendships as a safety net. I get some of the same perks of engaging in a male/female relationship without having to deal with the unspoken attraction aspect that can often mess up a good friendship. We’re always on the same playing field, right? That’s yet to be determined, I suppose. I’m realizing some of my same issues still apply regardless of their sexuality, my need for affirmation being a primary one. These are all things I’ll be discussing with my therapist on Tuesday. What I’m learning is that we are always going to be struggling with something. How we handle those struggles is what counts. For me, I have to be really intentional to think through things rationally. I’m hoping returning to counseling will help with this. And I know a strong community is important. We can’t walk through life alone…it’s just not healthy. I am blessed to have some amazing friends, especially girls, both married and single, all over the US, that I can be completely honest. They are the ones that remind me that I do belong, I belong first to Him, my Heavenly Father and I belong to ALL those that are willing to journey with me regardless of what life stage we’re at. As the Wesley Foundation saying goes, “Your crap is our crap; your joy is our joy.”

I'm currently sitting at my desk in tears. To hear more about Merlot and the big shoes I must fill as her new owner, read here. But be warned, grab a kleenex...or 20. Love you Ross!

For those of you who may not have heard, I am now a dog owner. I inherited a beautiful 2-year-old girl from my friend Ross who will be moving to Belgium on the 29^th. Her name is Merlot! Although I was a little concerned about the transition, all in all it’s going well. She’s finally growing accustomed to her new home and new unfenced yard. Although she likes to explore, she always comes back when I call her. I love to watch her run and leap. I know that may sound strange but she looks like a gazelle! Recently I decided it was time for her to meet the rest of the family. Now the thing about Merlot is that she’s not real excited to meet new people. In fact, she’s a little skittish, but once you’ve won her over, she’s your friend for life. I like to think we're kindred spirits in that regard. She’s slowly warming up to my dad. Mom hasn’t spent enough time with her yet. As for these 2, I think they’re just tolerating her:)

Today I decided Merlot needed to go for a walk. Okay, okay, I needed to go for a walk. I decided that this week we would just start with a brisk 10-minute walk, next week we’ll bump it up to 15, etc. My bf, Don (yes in my world, he’s my bf), tells a story about when he was training for his big bike tour a few years ago. He met with a personal trainer and they started out slow, getting his heart rate up for 20 minutes, then building up momentum as the weeks went on. In fact, his trainer says that as long as you get in 20 good minutes of cardio, anything else is just bonus so it takes the pressure off of trying to have these long, intense workouts. I suppose that’s what I’m trying to do. The truth is I’ve been lethargic lately. Partly due to life and the impending goodbyes that will start this week and partly due to just feeling tired. It’s funny that everyone always says that in order to not feel so tired all the time, you should exercise. It’s a vicious cycle. I feel tired, therefore I just want to lie on my couch and not do that so-called exercise that will give me energy. I’m taking it day by day and today we were successful. Tomorrow’s a new day. Oh, and sorry to my neighbor whose yard Merlot pooped in.

This is from my friend, Chris' blog. As most of you know, I too, have been deeply impacted by the LA Tech Wesley Foundation. I would ask that you prayerfully consider giving. Thanks!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As many of you know I have been an intern at the Wesley Foundation at LA Tech for the past year. I couldn't ask for a more amazing job and am blessed every day by the things I witness God doing. I love watching God move in the lives of college students. I have witnessed amazing and life transforming things though this ministry in my own life as well as the lives of students I meet.

One of those transforming ways is summer mission trips. The purpose of these trips is to expand the life perspective of college students so they can see outside of themselves and serve the needs of people in other places. We are called to love our neighbors and for us, that is anyone! This year we took on a lot and felt God was calling us to a large vision of the world by opening the doors for three international mission trips: Cambodia, Haiti, and China. Our teams leave in two weeks and we still have over $24,000 left to raise. I am asking you to consider donating $10-$20 towards these trips. I am also asking if you could email 10 of your friends, who may or may not know anything about the Wesley Foundation and asking them to consider partnering with us by donating $10-$20 as well. Thank you to those of you who have already contributed to my portion of the trip, if you would like to give more, GREAT! If not, please pass this on to friends.

Each one of our staff and team members are asking the same things of their friends and families. Each dollar is a dollar closer to 28 team members lives being transformed by serving, as well as the potential of the lives that we will come in contact with in China, Cambodia, and Haiti!

If you would like to give, please send a check to:

The Wesley Foundation
P.O. Box 3005
Ruston, LA 71272

or you can donate by using the PAYPAL option on our Facebook page. If you've got any questions, please, please, please call me anytime.

Much Love.

My friend, Kari, is a gifted writer. I love reading her adventures with her kiddos. I especially enjoyed this one!