Life Lessons.

I have been constructing a blog post in my head for the last couple of weeks, but when I sit down to write, I feel stuck. So instead, I've decided to share some key points I've learned over the last two and a half weeks:

* God is ALWAYS faithful.

I'm guessing this needs little explanation if you are a Believer, but uprooting my life and moving across the country has reminded me again, that no matter where I am, He is always there. He's my biggest cheerleader, He's the first one there to comfort me when I'm sad, and He always has my best interest at heart.

* Laying down MY expectations.

As much as we say we don't go into certain situations with expectations, it's inevitable. I had this idea of how my time would be spent when I got here, and although it's somewhat accurate, I've found that I set expectations that weren't necessarily fair on the people in my life here. I had to sit back and reevaluate what's true and what's important and allow things to unfold the way they're supposed to, not necessarily how I expected them to.

* Letting go of certain dreams.

This has been a hard one for me. It goes hand in hand with laying down my expectations. It's something I'm having to also give up control to my Heavenly Father and trust that His plans for me are so much better. Some days it's easy, some days it's not. I want to enjoy where I am in this season of life and the people that have committed to join me in this next chapter without worrying about the "What ifs". In the meantime, I'm still praying big prayers and trusting that God does want to give me the desires of my heart.

* I need people.

Now this is something I've always known. I'm an introvert by nature, but I still need to be in community. Living with the Syferts has been incredible. My first week here was rough, full of uncertainty, fear, confusion, and all the typical things that go along with making such a big change. They have welcomed me not just into their home, but into their family. In return, I try to offer assistance with their two precious girls when I'm not working. This has actually been easier than I thought it would be. I've lived alone for the last 5 years and I absolutely loved my space, but living in community with them has been exactly what I needed for this season in my life.

* Rekindling my relationship with God.

My first Sunday in Columbia, Luke preached on relationships, specifically marriage and family. But at the end, he talked about how our most important relationship is the one we have with God. If we aren't putting that relationship above all else, then our earthly relationships will fall short. As much as I had tried to convince myself that He was still first in my life, somewhere along the way I had pushed him aside and allowed myself and other relationships to take precedence. When those relationships were crumbling around me, I was devastated. In that sweet moment, God reminded me that He is jealous for me. He wants to be the one that holds my heart.

In closing, I want to leave you with a quote that I found while reading the book, Orange Jumpsuit. It's a great story of stripping off our prison garments of fear, anxiety, or anything else that hinders us from walking in God's freedom.

Sometimes the best thing that can happen is to have all your fears come true. Because in the loss of what you value, you find He is enough. -Tara Leigh Cobble

Brief Update.

I've been trying to remember what it felt like my first days at Starbucks Ruston. After almost 5 years with predominantly the same team, they became my family. Today was my first day at my new store here in Columbia (technically Lexington). Everyone I met, from partners to customers, were super nice. The layout is a lot different from what I'm used to, but part of the fun is getting lost in the store, I suppose. My only real complaint is my schedule. I close all weekend, then 4 nights next week, including my birthday. Amber, my manager, seemed willing to work with me on this as I am not a night person. Obviously, I know that closing is something to be expected, but hopefully not every night! In the meantime, I'm enjoying sleeping in!

I'm continually thankful for the Syferts and the way they have welcomed me into their family. At dinner tonight, I asked Chloe what she did while I was at work. She told me she really missed me while I was gone:-)

Things I wasn't expecting....

....Going thru the grief process after I got here. Yesterday was an emotional day for me, filled with excitement of starting something new, yet missing things and people back home. Luke and Lauren threw me a surprise "Welcome to Columbia" party last night. Thankfully they gave me an hour heads-up, which I was very grateful for. I'm an introvert, as most of you who know me well, know about me. Plus I wasn't feeling the greatest physically yesterday, so I think, Lauren, especially, was worried about me, but it was great meeting people from their church and wondering a year from now if I'll be connected to any of them beyond acquaintance level.

Today I'm venturing out into Columbia on my own to pick up some things and maybe go by my new store. Surprisingly I didn't drink any coffee from Starbucks yesterday. That's a record, I think. I've been missing April a lot, remembering our first days in Lexington together, exploring, getting lost, discovering our favorite restaurants and shops. I forgot how much I enjoyed having that security, knowing I wasn't alone moving to a new place. After living in Chicago after college, I remember how vitally important Community is for me, even if it's only one or two people. I'm realizing now how good it truly is living with the Syferts these first couple of months. I have a support system right outside my bedroom door that challenges me to not hole up inside myself, which is what my survival mode tells me to do, and actually go out and find that Community I need to truly survive in life.

Thanks to those of you who have been checking in on me periodically. So grateful for avenues such as Facebook, Twitter, and cell phones that allow my worldwide Community to always be close.

Welcome Home!

I've officially made it to Columbia. I know I've been silent the last couple of months as I've prepared for this day, but honestly I never anticipated how busy I would be packing up and saying goodbye to loved ones. And this past week was no exception. Wednesday was my last official day at my store in Ruston. Thursday I woke up and drove to Baton Rouge to visit my friends, Sarah and Hannah, and to meet Baby Evan! Friday, Jamison flew into New Orleans from Columbia to spend the weekend and to drive back to Columbia with me. I have to tell you, the boy's a trooper. After getting lost in New Orleans several times causing us to leave there at 7p, then having to ride with me in the car for 5 more hours after waking up at 3a that morning. He never complained once nor fell asleep on me. Saturday he met several of my friends (and family), and even endured a 12-year-old's basketball game (where they don't keep score). That night he sat by me as I watched my beautiful friend, Jennifer get married. Yesterday we left Ruston around 9a after getting our first cup of coffee (of several) and stopping by to say goodbye to the God-children. 13 hours later we made it to Columbia, exhausted. Again, he never complained and refused to go to sleep after I told him to several times. I'm not sure I tell him enough how thankful I am for him. He makes me laugh often and continuously offers me encouragement when I'm frustrated, and worse tired. I'm not the most pleasant person when I'm tired (or hungry). I'm sure he's figured this out by now. Hopefully that won't deter him to give up on me since we live in the same city now.

This morning I'm enjoying time with my friend, Lauren, and her two beautiful girls, Chloe and Josalin. She and her husband, Luke, who I've talked about many times before, have graciously opened up their home to me while I get settled into my new life here in Columbia. I start at my new store on Wednesday. I would ask that you continue to pray with me as I learn how to rely on God in new ways and build new relationships here in Columbia. I'm super excited to see that God has in store for me in 2012.

No good adventure happens without good friends beside you. Special thanks to Luke and Lauren Syfert and Jamison Combs for embarking on this new adventure with me.

Thoughts from a Single Girl.

I recently read a great blog post on singleness, specifically being a "Single Lady". Thank you, Beyonce, for writing a song just for us, by the way. After posting it to my Facebook, one of my married friends commented on how grateful she was to read it & how she appreciated hearing what we single gals go through. It's interesting to me how so many of my married girlfriends have "forgotten" what it's like to be single. Now granted I have a lot of friends who got married right out of elementary school, I mean high school, so they probably have forgotten, but I feel like its something I'll never forget, even after I've been married for awhile. After reading Lincee's post, it got me thinking about rituals that have been bestowed upon the single girl, such as the bouquet toss at weddings. Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure it's intent was to be a fun way to include those of us who are unfortunate to show up to a wedding unwed, or God forbid , dateless, but I rarely find women who are excited about showcasing their singleness at a wedding, so why must we parade ourselves to the middle of the floor for all to watch as we humiliatingly wait for the bride to peg one of us with her bouquet? Not to mention that as we get older we find ourselves surrounded by 20-somethings or even worse, standing there alone. Even as I'm honored to have a cute boy on my arm at a friend's wedding this weekend, I can honestly say, I still do not want to be "singled" out. It's really not good for the self-esteem & it causes one to think that singleness is not good or meant to be celebrated. It is. Now I do want to get married some day, to the man God chooses for me, but in the meantime, I want to feel like my singleness is as much to be celebrated as getting married or having a baby. I realize it may not be as exciting or glamorous, but it's certainly not worth the looks of pity or concern that older women in particular like to pass down.

My favorite incident happened a year or so ago while I was working the bar at Starbucks. A woman I've known most of my life was standing there & we were chatting about her family & her recent grandchild. At one point in the conversation she looked at me & said, "What about you? I bet your mom is ready for you to give her a grandbaby." At that moment I actually felt judged for being single & childless, as if it's my choice that I haven't met the right guy to marry & have children. I think I just looked at her a little stunned & told her nicely that I have a mom who wants me to be happy & if that includes children one day, then wonderful. If not, her life will not be any less complete. What I really wanted to do was dump her extra hot latte all over her body, but I didn't. It's what most women her age in the South, especially, think is "right".

So the next time you're hanging out with a single girl, how about celebrating with her all the exciting things going on in her life that may or may not include a significant other. Trust me, we'll appreciate it!

forgiveness...

When I was in seminary, I took a counseling class on walking clients through forgiveness. I honestly think it was more enlightening for us than it would ever be for our clients. We had to face those places in our lives where we were will still harboring unforgiveness. I honestly thought I had dealt with those hard places...until a year ago. It was then that I realized just how layered our hurts can be. Several months ago I learned that a person I had once loved betrayed again. This time it wasn't me. Yet, I found those ugly feelings of anger, betrayal, mistrust, and unforgiveness welling up inside of me. My resounding question was, "How could he?" Sadly, this has been a familiar question I've asked since then, not about this guy, but about countless others who have betrayed...betrayed people I love. And yet, in all these situations, I've been called to help my loved ones walk through forgiveness. It's a daunting task really, especially when you come face to face with your own lack of forgiveness.

A couple of weeks ago I came face to face with unforgiveness yet again. Someone who abruptly left my life showed up out of the blue and as soon as I saw him I was filled with anger, not just because I was remembering how he had hurt me, but because I realized how he was affecting my current relationships. As much as I didn't want to, I had to admit that these feelings I was having towards him were more harmful to me than they'll ever be to him. The thing about unforgiveness is that it festers. Sure it can lie dormant for awhile, but in time, it will always always always pop back up. Often times, it is transferred onto people who had nothing to do with the initial circumstance.

This is what I've been reflecting on for the past month. As much as I feel like I have the "right" to hold on to my anger, hurt, and unforgiveness towards people who have hurt me, what I don't want to happen is transference of mistrust and insecurity onto the people who have committed to being a part of my life. No, I can't just automatically forgive instantaneously (boy, do I wish), but I can choose every day to strive for forgiveness, allow God to meet me in those places of hurt, and rely on Him to bring me to a place of complete forgiveness and freedom. I want to love with every fiber of my being. I want to freely give my heart away without dwelling on how others have misused it in the past. I want to trust when someone tells me that I'm important and that they have no intention of purposely hurting me. I have to CHOOSE this for me. I can't expect people to prove it to me, because in the end, they will fail. Not because they want to, but because we are all human, and as much as we don't want to, we will always come up short. So today, I choose to rely on Jesus to make up for my shortcomings. I pray that people will extend grace to me when I fail and I will try to offer the same in return. It is the best gift we can ever offer one another.

God Is Able.

This has been my theme song for the last couple of weeks. One thing I learned at a young age, thankfully, is that regardless of how I may feel or what the circumstances are going on around me, God is for me. He will go before me. And He will never leave me.

God is able
He will never fail
He is almighty God
Greater than all we seek
Greater than all we ask
He has done great things

Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able

God is with us
God is on our side
He will make a way
Far above all we know
Far above all we hope
He has done great things

Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able

God is with us
He will go before
He will never leave us
He will never leave us
God is for us
He has open arms
He will never fail us
He will never fail us

Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able

For the Lord
Our God is able
For the Lord
Our God is able