grace eventually.

Why is trusting God with my heart so difficult? I’ve realized, yet again, that I continue to struggle with this. It shows up most in relation to my singleness. Not a month ago I was walking into my apartment and I realized that for the first time in a long time, I actually wasn’t looking for a relationship. I was content in my new city with new friends, getting settled and just living life. Then a boy entered the picture. Suddenly all these strange emotions started overwhelming me and my thoughts became consumed with this really cute, really funny, presumably single guy. Except, I really don’t know much about him and I’m not sure I ever will. Fast forward a couple of weeks and said guy is now moving on, not from me per se, but from our shared circumstances that continued to put us in the same room from time to time. Today as I was driving from one job to the next, I found myself yelling at God (again) that I was disappointed. I’m disappointed that this potential new “friendship” is ending before it’s even started, that for a split second I got my hopes us that maybe, just maybe, the odds were ever in my favor. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, I trust God with parts of my life, but when it comes to matters of the heart, not so much. Those relationships that don’t work out, it never occurs to me that maybe He’s protecting me from something. Just because it looks good on paper doesn’t mean that it’s what’s best for me. Nashville is my 7^th move and honestly, hopefully my last. I’ve been amazed at how God has provided for me since I made the decision to move here. Living in Nashville has been a dream of mine since visiting back in 2007 when my friend, Matt, still lived here. My first weekend here was also my church’s first weekend to meet full-time. Up to that point, they had only been meeting once a month at most. I have an incredible church family that gets me and that stands for exactly what I believe. You have no idea how refreshing that is, especially considering how hard my heart was that first week. My nights are filled with concerts and new restaurants with new friends. So why am I still holding on to this idea that my life is incomplete without a man by my side? I wish I wasn’t one of those girls. I think I believed it would get easier as I got older and it wasn’t so much about the peer pressure of having a boyfriend. But now, it’s legitimately about desiring a life partner. I’m grateful for my independence, but sometimes, I wish I didn’t have to be so independent. And for any young girls out there reading this, navigating crushes in your 30’s isn’t any easier.

A few months ago I felt like maybe it was time I gave up Facebook. I would find myself spending 30 minutes here, an hour there, another 15 later in the day, any time I had to wait (grocery store, traffic, doctor’s appointment), on social media. I bought into the idea that by checking Facebook so often throughout the day, I was connecting with people. Not surprisingly, by the end of the day, I was still feeling lonely. It finally hit me that this connection I thought I was making with my “friends” was really just me reading their status updates and looking at their pictures. It would feel like I was caught up on their life, but let’s face it, how often do we put the not so glamorous, real pieces of our lives on Facebook? Now granted, some of us do occasionally, but for the most part, we post pictures of our clean houses, our happy kids, and amazing trips that we’re on. If I documented my typical day, most of my posts would be about frustrations at work and pictures of my computer screen, or at the end of the day, me in my pjs on my couch watching Netflix. Who wants to follow that story?

Me and Heather on the assembly line.

One of the things I appreciate about working for AIMCO is that they truly believe in giving back to the community. So much so, that we can use what’s called AIMCO Care hours to volunteer, and they will pay us for that time. If that doesn’t motivate you to volunteer for a good cause, I don’t know what will. Those of you who know me are aware that I have always had a passion for the underprivileged and disenfranchised. Some of my best days were spent in Chicago and other urban areas serving at homeless shelters, soup kitchens, food banks, etc. When I saw a flyer posted about a Stop Hunger Now event, I knew I had to sign up! 

Stop Hunger Now is an international hunger relief non-profit organization that coordinates the packaging and distribution of food and other life-saving aid to people in developing nations. Founded in 1998, it has mobilized over 450,000 volunteers to send more than 150,000,000 meals to 65 countries. 

The weighing and sealing team.

On a cold and rainy Saturday, I arrived at Williamsburg Presbyterian Church not knowing what to expect. What I found was a line of people ready to volunteer. As they began their opening orientation, Jim, one of the event coordinators, mentioned that they were anticipating 100 volunteers for the first shift. There were 170 of us. Originally their plan was for each shift to package 10,000 meals, however, when the Stop Hunger Now team arrived, they brought enough food to package up to 30,000 meals. The challenge had been set! 

Stop Hunger Now meals are nutritiously sound. Every dehydrated rice/soy meal is fortified with 21 essential vitamins and nutrients. Research has shown that one in three people in developing countries are adversely affected by vitamin and mineral deficiencies. Addressing the problem of hunger is the single point where we can leverage relief for all humanitarian issues.

Our very helpful runners.

As we walked into the assembly room, I couldn’t get over how organized everything was. In the back you had your box packers who packed, then loaded the boxes onto the truck, followed by a long table of scales and fancy machines that sealed each bag in a matter of seconds. This station was perfect for those who couldn’t stand for long periods of time. In the front of the room were several assembly tables set up for six people. Each one of us put something in the bag, while two people held the bag under the funnel and then put it in a box to be picked up and carried over to the weight and seal table by our runners, aka: kids ranging from 5-16. In that first hour and a half, we managed to package 16,000 meals! By the end of the day, we used every resource that we had and packaged 32,128 meals, even though there were only 94 of us working the second shift. On top of packaging over 30,000 meals, over $9,000 was donated to Stop Hunger Now. It was truly extraordinary, not to mention fun, working with over 200 people all for the same cause. I look forward to this opportunity again next year!

Last time we were all together: July 2013.

Community Group outing to Vista Lights

One year ago I packed up what belongings I could cram into my Honda and started the journey to Columbia, SC. I would be lying if I said I had no expectations. I had some...that God quickly did not meet like I had hoped, but as I reflect on the past 365 days, the one thing I can say for certain is that God has been beside me every step of the way, even during those days of utter darkness when I questioned whether I made the right move, if my motives were pure, if He had a purpose for me here. I think the one thing that stands out about the past year is the community He has placed around me from day one. Those of you who’ve kept up with my blog may remember me talking about my first night in town when the Syferts through a “Welcome to Columbia” party for me. That night I was introduced to their Community Group. Today they are MY community group. Although some of them have moved away, the people that came to welcome me that night, along with others, have become my family. They were the ones who showed up on a Saturday morning in August and helped me and my Dad unload a U-Haul truck of everything I had left behind when I finally moved into my own place. Not too long ago, Luke and I were talking about the group. He made the comment, “You don’t just need them. They need you.” I am grateful for this need we have for one another.

Then there are my work girls, the ones who keep me going when customers are being trying, things are falling apart, and I’m exhausted beyond belief. They check in on me on my day off and are quick to call when I say I’m having a bad day. Even the Starbucks that God put me in has a purpose for me, although I still struggle with fulfilling that purpose on many occasions. 

And lastly, I’m finally back in school pursuing the degree that’s been in the back of my mind since I left Asbury 6 years ago, counseling. I’m utterly amazed at how God orchestrates our lives when we choose to trust Him. I read this quote today in Brennan Mannings, “Ruthless Trust.”

Our story is perhaps a paradigm for every trusting disciple. The way of trust is a movement into obscurity, into the undefined, into ambiguity, not into some predetermined, clearly delineated plan for the future. The next step discloses itself only out of a discernment of God acting in the desert of the present moment. The reality of naked trust is the life of a pilgrim who leaves what is nailed down, obvious, and secure, and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision or guarantee the future. Why? Because God has signaled the movement and offered it his presence and his promise.

I’ve declared 2013 as a year of risk, which looking back on 2012, moving to Columbia was quite a risk for me. But there’s still so much more that God is calling me to. In the meantime, I have to trust Him that when things don’t seem to go the way I planned or hoped, it doesn’t change His love, His promises, or His purpose for me.

Happy 2013, everyone!

Oh, and not to disappoint my adoring readers, I need to give a shout out to my new friend, Gord Downie! I’m sure you’ll end up in a blog post soon;-)

Coping with depression is not easy. There are days when I choose to stay in bed and hide under the covers all day. It’s not necessarily productive, but sometimes it’s what I need. For those of you who struggle with depression, I’ve decided to share a few of my personal forms of therapy with you. Now in order for this therapy to be effective, it often times requires laying down your pride and asking for help. I struggle with this often, but the truth is, we can’t survive on our own. None of us can.

Family. When I moved to Columbia, the Syferts graciously let me live with them for six months. During that time I fell even more in love with their two girls. Since then I have asked them if I could use their home as a place of refuge when my depression is heightened. They welcome me any time, no questions asked, no invitation needed. I am so grateful for them and the way they love me.
Creating. I love projects. I think that’s why my home is always changing. I get restless and need to create something. Whether it’s painting a canvas, taking pictures, or making Christmas ornaments, this is a way for me to calm my soul. It doesn’t have to be something extravagant. It’s really just about finding a hobby, something you enjoy doing.
Community. One of the first things God blessed me with upon my arrival to Columbia was my Community Group. I sort of fell in to them since the Syferts were already a part, but it’s a perfect fit. One thing I especially appreciate about them is how they take care of me and want to be a part of my life: the good, the bad, and the ugly. We are a broken group who desires to love well and to show that love to the people we encounter on a daily basis.
Walking. Now this one is not always my first go to, but it’s one of those things that is good for me not just emotionally, but physically. There’s a park close to my house that I’ve found that’s perfect to disengage with the world for a while and reconnect with God through creation.
Killian. My dog, Merlot, lives with my parents. I’m not allowed to have a dog in my apartment, plus Merlot’s grandparents refuse to part with her, but in the meantime, I’ve met a wonderful, sweet, loving 60lb lab named Killian. She and I have weekly sleepovers and she provides me with a great deal of comfort when she’s around. I can talk to her about anything and I know my secrets are safe with her and it doesn’t change how she feels about me:-)
Gilmore Girls. This is a silly one, I know, but I love this show. It’s witty, clean, and full of eclectic people you grow to love. I own all seven seasons and I have it on rotation in my DVD player quite often. I enjoy disengaging at the end of the day by watching an episode or two. It just works for me.

The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. -Aristotle

Recently I was visiting a friend on my way back from Columbia after a few days at home. His brother and I somehow got into a conversation about depression. He was sharing about a girl he knew who had committed suicide. He talked about how she always came across as one of those people who typically seemed happy all the time. As the conversation continued, he mentioned that he didn’t understand how anyone could end their lives voluntarily. I sort of cringed. This is a common statement for people who have never dealt with depression. Now before anyone starts calling any emergency hotlines (MOM), let me set the record straight. I am not suicidal. However, I will admit I have been so far in the depths of depression that I have prayed to God to just take me. In moments like these, I know I’m not rational. The pain overtakes everything else and it’s hard to see past it. After talking to close friends and my counselor, I decided that a therapeutic way for me to deal with my own depression would be to write about it. My hope is that my writing will be informative, especially for those who have never struggled with depression. Now, I’m not an expert on the subject. Most of my writing will be from a personal standpoint. 

Good morning, friends!

I've been given the incredible opportunity to guest blog for my friends over at Single Roots! I really believe in what they're doing. Check out my first post for them here and let me know what you think!

Last December I made the commitment to give running a shot. I downloaded the Couch to 5K app on my phone, asked my good friend, Becca to run with me and off we went. What I wasn't anticipating was how unprepared I really was. Two weeks in, I developed a serious case of knee tendinitis in BOTH knees. If you've ever experienced anything like this, it's painful as hell! The cause: BAD SHOES. I didn't take into account that my cool New Balance kicks that I had worn forever (because I liked the way they looked) may not be the best option for actual running. So, I had to hang up my running shoes for a few weeks, let my body heal, and start over. In January, I went to a great running store in Monroe called Fit Right Active. They put me in a pair of running shoes, got me on a treadmill, and watched me run for 60 seconds. What I learned was that when I run, my feet pronate. Now I could get into the technicality of what that means, but basically it's just how my feet hit the ground when I run. From this observation, they were able to offer me four brands of shoes that would work best for me. I chose Asics and they have yet to let me down. Although I'm still a newbie in the running world, I can now say with pride that I can run one mile without stopping. Now, I look like a geriatric when I'm running, and I want to quit pretty much the whole time, but I can do it. The beginning of May, I participated in my first 5K here in Columbia with my friend, Jamison and finished in under 45 minutes. I wish I could say I've developed this great love of running, but I really haven't. I keep running though because I know it's good for me to be active and because at some point I would like to be able to run an entire 5K, preferably before I turn 36.

As much as I hate to physically run, I've noticed that when it comes to my spiritual and emotional life, I'm an avid runner. When things get hard, I want to run. I don't want to sit in my pain or deal with what's going on around me. It just seems so much easier to run away, to distract myself with something else until it fades away. Of course, this logic doesn't work. We can't run from our problems entirely. We can try to leave them behind for a little while, but they're still waiting for us when we return. God's been working on my heart lately when it comes to running. I'm uncomfortable in my pain. I want it to go away. I want Him to move in a different direction that brings me peace and comfort and essentially give me what I WANT. Unfortunately, what we want isn't always what's best for us. We can never see this when we're in the midst of hard times. We see what's right in front of us, God sees the whole picture. So today, I'm sitting in my pain with a band of amazing people praying me through it. I will be running (or flying) to Austin next weekend to spend some time with my best friend, April, but what I'm hoping is that it will offer me some time to reflect and gain some perspective so that when I return to Columbia, I can face my pain head on and trust that God knows what he's doing.

I have been constructing a blog post in my head for the last couple of weeks, but when I sit down to write, I feel stuck. So instead, I've decided to share some key points I've learned over the last two and a half weeks:

I've been trying to remember what it felt like my first days at Starbucks Ruston. After almost 5 years with predominantly the same team, they became my family. Today was my first day at my new store here in Columbia (technically Lexington). Everyone I met, from partners to customers, were super nice. The layout is a lot different from what I'm used to, but part of the fun is getting lost in the store, I suppose. My only real complaint is my schedule. I close all weekend, then 4 nights next week, including my birthday. Amber, my manager, seemed willing to work with me on this as I am not a night person. Obviously, I know that closing is something to be expected, but hopefully not every night! In the meantime, I'm enjoying sleeping in!

....Going thru the grief process after I got here. Yesterday was an emotional day for me, filled with excitement of starting something new, yet missing things and people back home. Luke and Lauren threw me a surprise "Welcome to Columbia" party last night. Thankfully they gave me an hour heads-up, which I was very grateful for. I'm an introvert, as most of you who know me well, know about me. Plus I wasn't feeling the greatest physically yesterday, so I think, Lauren, especially, was worried about me, but it was great meeting people from their church and wondering a year from now if I'll be connected to any of them beyond acquaintance level.

I've officially made it to Columbia. I know I've been silent the last couple of months as I've prepared for this day, but honestly I never anticipated how busy I would be packing up and saying goodbye to loved ones. And this past week was no exception. Wednesday was my last official day at my store in Ruston. Thursday I woke up and drove to Baton Rouge to visit my friends, Sarah and Hannah, and to meet Baby Evan! Friday, Jamison flew into New Orleans from Columbia to spend the weekend and to drive back to Columbia with me. I have to tell you, the boy's a trooper. After getting lost in New Orleans several times causing us to leave there at 7p, then having to ride with me in the car for 5 more hours after waking up at 3a that morning. He never complained once nor fell asleep on me. Saturday he met several of my friends (and family), and even endured a 12-year-old's basketball game (where they don't keep score). That night he sat by me as I watched my beautiful friend, Jennifer get married. Yesterday we left Ruston around 9a after getting our first cup of coffee (of several) and stopping by to say goodbye to the God-children. 13 hours later we made it to Columbia, exhausted. Again, he never complained and refused to go to sleep after I told him to several times. I'm not sure I tell him enough how thankful I am for him. He makes me laugh often and continuously offers me encouragement when I'm frustrated, and worse tired. I'm not the most pleasant person when I'm tired (or hungry). I'm sure he's figured this out by now. Hopefully that won't deter him to give up on me since we live in the same city now.

I recently read a great blog post on singleness, specifically being a "Single Lady". Thank you, Beyonce, for writing a song just for us, by the way. After posting it to my Facebook, one of my married friends commented on how grateful she was to read it & how she appreciated hearing what we single gals go through. It's interesting to me how so many of my married girlfriends have "forgotten" what it's like to be single. Now granted I have a lot of friends who got married right out of elementary school, I mean high school, so they probably have forgotten, but I feel like its something I'll never forget, even after I've been married for awhile. After reading Lincee's post, it got me thinking about rituals that have been bestowed upon the single girl, such as the bouquet toss at weddings. Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure it's intent was to be a fun way to include those of us who are unfortunate to show up to a wedding unwed, or God forbid , dateless, but I rarely find women who are excited about showcasing their singleness at a wedding, so why must we parade ourselves to the middle of the floor for all to watch as we humiliatingly wait for the bride to peg one of us with her bouquet? Not to mention that as we get older we find ourselves surrounded by 20-somethings or even worse, standing there alone. Even as I'm honored to have a cute boy on my arm at a friend's wedding this weekend, I can honestly say, I still do not want to be "singled" out. It's really not good for the self-esteem & it causes one to think that singleness is not good or meant to be celebrated. It is. Now I do want to get married some day, to the man God chooses for me, but in the meantime, I want to feel like my singleness is as much to be celebrated as getting married or having a baby. I realize it may not be as exciting or glamorous, but it's certainly not worth the looks of pity or concern that older women in particular like to pass down.

When I was in seminary, I took a counseling class on walking clients through forgiveness. I honestly think it was more enlightening for us than it would ever be for our clients. We had to face those places in our lives where we were will still harboring unforgiveness. I honestly thought I had dealt with those hard places...until a year ago. It was then that I realized just how layered our hurts can be. Several months ago I learned that a person I had once loved betrayed again. This time it wasn't me. Yet, I found those ugly feelings of anger, betrayal, mistrust, and unforgiveness welling up inside of me. My resounding question was, "How could he?" Sadly, this has been a familiar question I've asked since then, not about this guy, but about countless others who have betrayed...betrayed people I love. And yet, in all these situations, I've been called to help my loved ones walk through forgiveness. It's a daunting task really, especially when you come face to face with your own lack of forgiveness.

This has been my theme song for the last couple of weeks. One thing I learned at a young age, thankfully, is that regardless of how I may feel or what the circumstances are going on around me, God is for me. He will go before me. And He will never leave me.

This time every year for the past 3+ years, you would find me at the Gwinnett Center in Duluth GA for the annual Catalyst Leadership Conference. Incredible leaders of all types come and impart their wisdom upon pastors and church leaders from all over the US. Up and coming worship leaders take the stage and lead us into heartfelt times of communion with the Lord. There's nothing quite like worshiping with literally thousands of other believers in one place. There's also times of crazy skits and attempts to create our own Doritos commercial for the Super Bowl which sadly did not win last year. What stands out to me the most about this conference is not all the hoopla, but how God always shows up to speak directly to me. Without a doubt, each October I'm entering into some kind of hard season. Questioning my purpose, my role in ministry, my worth as his beloved child. Every year one or more speakers stands up and speaks directly to these doubts and brings me to a new place of assurance that I AM NOT ALONE. Ministry is by far one of the most challenging jobs one can do. It's easy for your own spiritual well-being to be put on the back-burner as you attempt to lead others to the foot of the Cross, proclaiming the very truth that you yourself have lost sight of.

Last year, I remember spending the day before the conference sick in my hotel room, looking up jobs in Nashville, schools that offered good counseling graduate programs, and praying with all my might that the Lord would reveal to me what His next steps for me might be. I was still at Trinity, but even then I could sense that my time would be coming to an end soon. I didn't share this with many people, just my close friends scattered across the globe who were fervently praying for me. This year I'm sitting at a local coffee shop, wishing so much I was at Catalyst, only this year I'm not questioning. Had the Lord revealed to me what He had in store for me this past year, I probably would have been in disbelief. He is faithful. He brings about change in ways we never thought we could handle. He introduces us to new people that step in and commit to walking the journey with us.

Last year, like all the years before, I left Catalyst feeling rejuvenated and certain that God had not abandoned me, but was continuing to mold me and to shape me into something that only he could create. I just have to trust him and be willing to jump into the unknown WITH HIM. Because when we finally let go, we find we have nothing to lose.

Today as we celebrate the life of a great leader and innovator, I leave you with this quote from Steve Jobs:

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything -- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.... Stay hungry. Stay foolish.

Whether we’re 12 or 102, I think we all battle insecurities. As we get older, we hopefully understand a little better how to control them as well as how we allow (or not allow) them to define us or affect us in a negative way. I’ve been reading a new book: God Loves Ugly by Christa Black. She shares her own journey of insecurity and how it’s shaped her into who she is today. She has a passion for teaching women the importance of taking control of how we think because it not only affects how we feel, it affects how we respond to ourselves, to others, and to our circumstances.

When I was growing up, I perceived myself as the awkwardly quiet fat girl with frizzy hair and braces. Now granted, I’ve always dealt with weight issues most of my life, but in high school it became an obsession. I was a dancer, but I’ve never had the body type. As a size 10, I was the biggest girl in my class. So I did what I could to “get skinny”. I worked out incessantly and I ate next to nothing. Looking back on it now, I would say I struggled with anorexic tendencies. Now granted, I never got unhealthily skinny. I maintained a healthy weight that in my opinion (at the time) was overweight. I remember my Dad being confused one day when he asked me what size t-shirt I needed for an event. I immediately responded “extra-large”. He looked at me quizzically and asked if I was sure I wanted one that big. See, in my head I was an extra-large girl. I still have one of those t-shirts. In fact, it’s one of my favorites to sleep in, but even now, as a size 14, it’s still way too big for me.

I was also a shy kid. And unfortunately, shy is perceived as either snobby or boring. I like to believe that I was neither. I surrounded myself with very outgoing, very confident, (and very beautiful) girlfriends. When I was a freshman in high school, I remember going to the mall with my friend, Stacy. We ran into an acquaintance of ours who introduced us to a guy from another school down the road. I was immediately entranced in his gorgeous blue eyes. When I say it was love at first sight, it was love at first sight. Of course, Stacy carried on a conversation with him for a good 10 minutes while I stood there awkwardly, blushing uncontrollably, and trying not to stare at him and his incredible handsomeness. I think besides telling him my name, I never said another word. As we walked away, I told Stacy that I, of course, was in love with him. The good friend that she is made it her mission to get us together. We dated for about a month, but I remember him telling me that he thought I wasn’t interested because I barely spoke to him. I was comfortable taking a backseat to my friends, allowing them to shine. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t have anything to say. I am and continue to be an internal processor. Not to mention that boys scared the hell out of me. It wasn’t until college that I finally felt comfortable enough to engage in conversations with guys. What I then learned about myself is that the guys that I am drawn to are the ones that make the effort to really get to know me, help me feel comfortable in my own skin, and who aren’t intimidated by my “quietness”.

The other day I was discussing some of this with my friend, Jenn. She made the comment that I have a gift for connecting with people quickly and a passion to get to know them. I looked at her blankly. This is something I never really observed about myself. I still see myself as that awkward shy girl trying not to come across as snobby or boring. Sometimes we need friends in our lives to mirror back the TRUTH of who we are, not the flaws that we see.

Tonight I shared with our 7^th grade girls at church a little of what I’ve been learning from this book. Christa pointed out 4 specific things that’s true for all of us:

· We are all wonderfully unique.

· We are all talented in our own ways.

· We are all beautiful.

· We are all worthy of love.

Today I choose to embrace the truth.

I don't know how many of you are familiar with Pinterest, but it's the newest most addicting form of social media meets yummy recipes, DIY projects, design ideas, fashion, and more. I love it! What's so great about it is that once you find something you like, you pin it to one of your boards so you can come back to it at any time. Plus, when you pin something, you're also sharing it with your followers, so it's a virtual way of bouncing ideas off one another. Seriously, who comes up with this stuff?

A couple of days ago I came across the picture you see to your left. I fell in love with the idea. As I've shared here, I've never been a big dreamer. I'm not saying I don't have dreams, trust me, I do, but it's hard for me to articulate sometimes. Truth be told, I'm afraid once I verbalize my dreams, even if only to myself, that they may not come true, and I'll be disappointed. What I've been learning is that if I'm not willing to really figure out what my dreams are, I'll never be able to follow after them, or through attempting to follow one, stumble across another that I didn't even know I had. So, I've started my own dream jar. It only has 4 dreams in it so far, but I intend to add to it. This is a more simpler (& cuter) idea than my earlier plan to start a dream journal. It gives me the freedom to add to it and even take out as my dreams either change or actually come to be.

Now go check out Pinterest and see what dreams open up for you!

I have a very exciting announcement to make! I've been sitting on it awhile and just recently started sharing it with friends and family. In January 2012 I will be moving to Columbia, SC. I suppose it's something I've been contemplating for months now as you've probably noted from previous posts. As I was sharing with a good friend last night, I so often struggle with aligning what I want with God's will and automatically assuming that because it's something I want, then it must not be right. I realize this is a skewed view of who our God is. I suppose I attribute this to so many broken dreams I've had along the way, dreams that I now look at and know that it was indeed God's best for me not to have them. I can't necessarily say what my life in Columbia will look like. I'm going on faith, knowing that I have a few good friends there who are thrilled I've made the decision to do life with them. I'll be transferring with my beloved Starbucks. I'm so thankful I work for a company who not only offers excellent health insurance but also provides partners the opportunity to transfer to stores all over the world. Talk about job security! We're also praying that God would open up some ministry opportunities there. Luke Syfert, one of my very best friends in the whole world, is on staff at a church in Columbia and has asked if I would consider doing ministry with him. It was a resounding YES! I couldn't think of a better person to partner with in ministry. Not to mention that I will get to be around his awesome wife, Lauren, and their two beautiful girls, Chloe and Josalin. There's also one other person that I'm looking forward to seeing on a regular basis. To protect his privacy, he'll remain nameless:-) I haven't shut the door on going back to school. I'm still very interested in finishing my Masters in Counseling...it's just not the right time. I'm so grateful for these past 5 years back in Ruston, specifically the time spent with my parents and my God-children. But I'm so excited about my future and what God has in store for me. My desire is to be faithful to Him and I know that He will provide for me in return.

These last 8 months have been truly transformational. When I lost my job at Trinity, I was weary and burned out on life and ministry. A month later I said a final goodbye to a friendship that had also been extremely draining and unhealthy for me, leaving me even more broken and battered. God faithfully met me in those places. He brought people into my life to speak truth, to sit with me, and to remind me that first and foremost I am HIS. This is the greatest reminder any of us can hear really. When we stop and think about the truth that we are HIS child and we are loved completely and unconditionally for who we are, it puts things in a whole new perspective. I pray that each of you will be reminded that you are first and foremost HIS and he couldn't be more proud to be your Father. May you embrace this truth today.