grace eventually.

A few months ago I felt like maybe it was time I gave up Facebook. I would find myself spending 30 minutes here, an hour there, another 15 later in the day, any time I had to wait (grocery store, traffic, doctor’s appointment), on social media. I bought into the idea that by checking Facebook so often throughout the day, I was connecting with people. Not surprisingly, by the end of the day, I was still feeling lonely. It finally hit me that this connection I thought I was making with my “friends” was really just me reading their status updates and looking at their pictures. It would feel like I was caught up on their life, but let’s face it, how often do we put the not so glamorous, real pieces of our lives on Facebook? Now granted, some of us do occasionally, but for the most part, we post pictures of our clean houses, our happy kids, and amazing trips that we’re on. If I documented my typical day, most of my posts would be about frustrations at work and pictures of my computer screen, or at the end of the day, me in my pjs on my couch watching Netflix. Who wants to follow that story?

It’s my first Saturday that I no longer work at Starbucks…well, technically it’s my second, but since I was out of town last weekend, I don’t really count it. I still have mixed emotions about quitting. I don’t miss the early mornings, but today as I was hanging out at home I felt like something wasn’t right, like I was being irresponsible because I wasn’t at work. I have a feeling this will pass quickly when I begin to enjoy having Saturdays back to do as I wish. Earlier this week, my friend, Dan commented on my last blog post. He petitioned me to be more disciplined about sharing my thoughts on here on a more regular basis, to continue taking those steps toward vulnerability. He caught me on a weird day. I immediately thought if I shared with the blogosphere my honest thoughts on this particular day, it might not fare well. But alas, he has a point. We are drawn to people who are honest because they essentially say what we may have been thinking at some point in life. So, here’s my first new year’s confession. I’ve discovered that I don’t share people, or rather, people’s attention very well. I attribute a lot of this to being an only child. I never had to share my parents with anyone. It’s still a mystery to me how parents love all their children equally and manage to give them each a sufficient amount of themselves. I will say that Claire having kids has helped with this. When Garrett was born 11 years ago, I remember thinking there’s no way I could ever love another kid as much as I love him. Three years later Grant was born and I realized it was possible. Now we have Avery and I can’t remember what our lives were like before she entered the world 3 and ½ years ago. Even still, I prefer spending time with them one-on-one instead of all together. I like to be able to focus on one person at a time. That’s more of a personality trait, I guess. I want to give them my undivided attention, which basically boils down to this: when I’m with other people, I like all their attention to be on meJ It makes me feel important, like what I say matters to them. Of course, the rise of technology does not aid in this dilemma. Excuse me while I get on this soapbox again, but in this day and age, it’s not other people’s physical presence you have to worry about, but who’s on the other end of their phone or computer. It’s not uncommon to find two people hanging out in the same location, yet chatting with one friend on some form of instant chat on their computer and texting on their phone all while having a conversation with the person they’re with. Must we be this accessible? Are we that important? Maybe we like to feel that we are or we’re trying to get that age-old need of connecting with other people met. Yet, it seems to me that with all these new ways of connecting, we’re more disconnected than we’ve ever been. Our conversations are typically surface and superficial because they can be or because that’s all we have energy for when we’re talking to multiple people at the same time. So here’s my plea, people. The next time you’re in the same room with someone, put down your cell phone, close your laptop, and enjoy the person that’s in front of you. Is this too much to ask?