grace eventually.

I don’t adapt well to change. Even change that’s intended for good can be a little draining to me. I get comfortable with how things are. Now don’t get me wrong, I know change can be good and is necessary, but in the midst of it I find myself longing for the familiar. I’ve been thinking about this a lot as one friend recently moved and two others are graduating and moving on very soon. I can still remember the last day of my internship at the Wesley Foundation, saying goodbye to one of my fellow interns, closest friends, and accountability partners. We were standing in front of Scott’s office literally weeping and one of the students was taking pictures! I can only imagine how those turned out! Little did I know that this friend and I would be reunited a few years later at seminary. I get so accustomed to seeing/talking to the same people everyday and when that’s gone, there’s a void there. I know that in time that that void will be filled with someone else and although that particular friend will still hold a place in my heart, that desire to talk to them everyday will slowly fade making those times when you do talk all the more precious.

After Easter we are starting a new series in the Refuge called “ineed2change.org: 40 Days of Change”. We’re working on a devotional booklet where people are reflecting on how God has brought about change in their lives. Obviously this is good change, but I have a feeling as we start reading these, that a lot of that change will have some pain tied to it somewhere. As much as we desire God to change us, it usually requires us to give up something we’ve been holding on to. It requires us to move out of the way to allow God to do something incredible. It requires us to give up control and trust that God’s ways are so much better than our own. God’s been changing me for…well, forever, I suppose but even more so in the last year. It has required me to let other people in when I’ve wanted to deal with things on my own. I’ve had to put down my pride and see that sometimes what may seem like a painful step can bring us one step closer to healing...to redemption.

2010 has already proven to kick me in my tail and it’s only February but alas, I’m beginning to see light again. My friend, Cathy, always talks about wholistic living, how our physical, emotional, and spiritual selves are all intertwined. If you’re flailing in one, there’s a good chance the other two will be affected in some way. I couldn’t agree more. I started out this year with good intentions or goals as I stated in my first blog post. Although I certainly don’t think goals and aspirations are a bad thing, I think it can at times put too much pressure on us. What if we don’t reach them? What if I (heaven forbid) fail? Well, if I’m being honest, I’ve definitely failed. In fact, I pretty much fell flat on my face. However, what I’ve learned time and time again is that when I fall on my face, redemption follows. Sometimes redemption isn’t glamorous. It can come in the form of a hug from a friend, another friend empathizing with what you’re going through, a complementary water at Sonic just because they wanted to brighten your day, a cool breeze on a clear day, holding hands, balloons on your birthday, laughing at absolutely nothing, a phone call just because someone was thinking about you, a blanket of snow, road trips, a smile from my special girl. This list goes on and on. So, I’ve decided that although goals are a good thing to strive for, I need to look at life one day at a time. I’m sure we’ve all heard this before. I mean, Jesus even talks about it in Scripture. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

A lot of my friends have decided that instead of giving something up for Lent, they’re going to add an element that has maybe been lacking and will further enrich their lives. My fabulous friend, Matt has decided to blog more during the next 40 days. I encourage you to check it out. He’s a fantastic writer that will leave you laughing and inspired. Another friend is writing a one paragraph reflection on what he’s reading for that day. I can’t say I’ve come up with any extraordinary thing to give up or add this Lenten season other than to find some space each day to listen. Today it was pilates. I have no idea what it will be tomorrow, but then again, I have tomorrow to figure that out:) I am starting a new book this week, “Picking Dandelions” by Sarah Cunningham. My friend, Susan that wrote “Angry Conversations with God” recommended it so I know it must be good. Stay tuned for a review.

Happy Lent everyone!