grace eventually.

Not long after I got laid off from Trinity, I was hanging out w/ my friend, Becky, sharing my concerns over how I was going to survive once my compensation ran out. Thankfully my Starbucks manager rehired me without a blink of an eye, but considering most of 2010 was working both there and at the church, I was taking a significant pay cut. Now I don't consider myself someone who needs a lot of money to live on, however, I made some poor choices in my younger days that I'm still paying for (literally) so that on top of the typical necessities (rent, utilities, food, phone, insurance, etc.) depletes my paycheck in a matter of seconds. Becky had been to a Thiry-One party a few months back and thought it would be something I would be good at. As I flipped through their catalog, I immediately thought of 10 people that would not only buy their stuff, but would happily throw a party for their friends to come and buy stuff too. It's a Christian-based company (Thirty-One is connected to the Proverbs 31 woman) that sells different types of bags in a variety of different patterns, along with cute stuff for kids...perfect for the Ruston scene. PLUS, I can sell it from anywhere if I do decide to move on at some point. This Thursday I'll be hosting an open house for my friends and family who have expressed interest in hosting a party for me. I'm really excited to see where this road leads. Stay tuned. Oh, and go check out my website!

God and I have been in a wrestling match for some time now. Ask my friends, they can tell you. I've prayed broad prayers, I've prayed specific prayers, I've prayed for His will to be done, I've even asked for my will to be done. I mean, c'mon, I have a front row seat in my own life. I think I have a pretty clear idea where my life should go. One of the many things I love about God is how when we pray for specific things, he often answers in ways we never could've imagined. I've laughed a lot this week at his sense of humor. Of course, I've also yelled and cried, but he continues to take it all in, like the good Father that He is. God has called me to be bold in my prayers. I've struggled with this in the past because I was afraid of being disappointed. Praying boldly doesn't mean He's going to give me exactly what I ask for. If that were the case I would be trapped in an unhealthy and unhappy marriage with someone I thought was my soul mate. God thankfully saved me from that many years ago and now, looking back I can see that although that was by far one of the most painful times of my life, it wasn't right. Why is it that we have this tendency to march forward with our plans without consulting Him first? Has He not proved faithful time and time again? Not to mention that when we do stray to follow our own path, He's right there when we realize how stupid we are and leads us back to where we need to be. Of course, it's through those detours that we learn and grow. So today, I continue to pray boldly and I'm trusting that the outcome will be beyond my imagination. Thanks to those of you who are continuing to pray boldly with me.

How often have we heard this quote, "Life is a journey, not a destination." Those of us that are believers in Christ are obviously looking toward our eternal destiny, but what about our time here on Earth? How do we manage the journey that lies before us? I've been thinking about this a lot lately (thanks in part to Brian's sermon on Sunday). Sometimes being part of the journey is exhilarating, fun, exciting. Other times, it's just down right hell, but all parts are significant in shaping us into who we were created to be. Those of you who've been reading my blog for awhile know that 2011 has been less than a stellar year. I've experienced job loss, relationship loss, financial struggles, depression, feelings of inadequacy and failure, etc. But, at the same time I've learned what it means to rely on God and to accept support from the people God's placed around me. It's a humbling thing. As one who finds satisfaction in mapping things out and making plans, I've had to learn to just be still, sometimes be spontaneous, and allow myself to just...fall. I'm learning that it's okay to fight for what I want, even if the end result is NOT getting what I want. I'm trusting that through those experiences God is still about the business of leading me to something different, something better. Many of you have been asking about my future, about school, about relocating. I still don't have a definitive answer. (I know what I want, but....) I'm still praying fervently for God's direction and discernment on this and I have a host of people standing in the gap for me, speaking truth when my heart gets the best of me. I'm in the process of creating a dream journal. I know that sounds a little cheesy, but as I've mentioned before, I've never been good at just allowing myself to dream. I'm a realist, sometimes to the point of being a pessimist. I've had my heart broken one too many times, I suppose and as much as I hate to admit it, it often dictates how I respond to things. I have a stop and go mentality at times. I'll be moving along and something triggers something in me that tells me to stop, to retreat when really I just need to push through. Of course, there are times when retreating is a good option. It's a balance I haven't quite mastered yet. Here's to the journey.

enchanted + february 23rd + avocado green + method + justin bieber + coffee addict + christmas + moving + eyes that light up + stalker skills + grace + leather pants + food snob + 500 days of summer + moving + target + calista flockhart + twitter + cake pops + aluminum + pure awesome + moving + mustard + killian + kind bars + boston + steak + pink ruffly shirt + depth + brothers & sisters + moving + downtown walks at night + bacon + earth fare + good will hunting + laughter + red hair + moving + glee + sweet smile + storyteller + sprinklers + the lazy song + coconut + jewish butcher + peanut butter + starbucks + moving + "listen..." + 744 miles by car, 757 miles by foot + great hugs + anytime fitness + midtown + community + talking washer & dryer + moving + sarcasm + park + rufkin + state capitol + fall + jesus + 3 months later...still enchanted.