grace eventually.

Not long after I got laid off from Trinity, I was hanging out w/ my friend, Becky, sharing my concerns over how I was going to survive once my compensation ran out. Thankfully my Starbucks manager rehired me without a blink of an eye, but considering most of 2010 was working both there and at the church, I was taking a significant pay cut. Now I don't consider myself someone who needs a lot of money to live on, however, I made some poor choices in my younger days that I'm still paying for (literally) so that on top of the typical necessities (rent, utilities, food, phone, insurance, etc.) depletes my paycheck in a matter of seconds. Becky had been to a Thiry-One party a few months back and thought it would be something I would be good at. As I flipped through their catalog, I immediately thought of 10 people that would not only buy their stuff, but would happily throw a party for their friends to come and buy stuff too. It's a Christian-based company (Thirty-One is connected to the Proverbs 31 woman) that sells different types of bags in a variety of different patterns, along with cute stuff for kids...perfect for the Ruston scene. PLUS, I can sell it from anywhere if I do decide to move on at some point. This Thursday I'll be hosting an open house for my friends and family who have expressed interest in hosting a party for me. I'm really excited to see where this road leads. Stay tuned. Oh, and go check out my website!

If anyone had told me what was in store for 2011, I probably wouldn't have believed them. I'm kind of glad we don't know our future. God knows I'd be in a constant state of anxiety 24/7. The last 6 weeks have been nothing short of humbling and somewhat transformational. I've had to learn to let go of what my life was, the security I held in a salaried income, and even a good friend. Honestly, losing the job was nothing compared to losing my friend. I wish I had some great insight into that, but honestly I don't. I've always been told that there are friends that you have for a season and then there are the friends you have for life. I guess I just didn't realize our season would only last a little over a year. Another friend sent me this quote not too long ago, "Don't save room for somebody in your life who makes no effort to want to stay." Although I think it's dead-on, I have a hard time letting go, especially when there's no explanation or closure, but I'm doing the best I can & trusting that it's all for the better. I will always love this person and one day maybe I won't want to punch them in the face when I see them or hear about them from someone else.

I'm also trying to focus on other things, school being a primary one. I'm in the process of finding out info on finishing my counseling degree here at Tech while continuing to work at Starbucks. The program is 30 hours of class work and then 15 hours of practicum/internship. I'm hoping to transfer a few classes in from Asbury to cut it down even more! Would love prayers for this. I'm still not sure where the money's going to come from, but I know that God will provide if it's the right step.

Last Tuesday afternoon, I got a phone call from my boss asking if I could come talk to him for a few minutes. From the tone in his voice, I knew it couldn’t be good. With butterflies in my stomach, I made my way back to the church. When I got there, I not only found Jerry but Brian as well, waiting for me. It was then my heart sank. We sat down and made some small talk and finally Jerry broke the news. Due to budget cuts, my position at the church is being laid off. I’ve never experienced a conversation like this before, but I can imagine there’s just no positive way to go about that. Both Jerry and Brian were very affirming of my gifts and have been super supportive in doing whatever it takes to get me back on my feet. Although I was initially shocked and upset about the news, I quickly moved into survival mode, trying to discern what my next step will be. (I’m also a delayed reactor. Ask April about the apartment fire of 2002!) I called Corey, my Starbucks manager and on Monday I returned back to Starbucks. He offered me a new position as a shift supervisor, so although the pay will be significantly less, I’m grateful to have a job to go back to. What I’ve realized through all this is how quick I am to take care of other people, but not so quick to allow other people to take care of me and that’s what I really need right now. As long as I’m busy I’m fine. It’s when I have time to just be still and think that I get anxious. I’ve had the last couple of days off and although it’s been good to get caught up on laundry and the like, I feel restless. I have no idea what the future holds. It’s exciting but it’s also scary. I like to be control. Let’s face it, who doesn’t? What I do know is that I want to finish my counseling degree. It’s always been in the back of my mind, but after several conversations and some soul-searching the last couple of weeks, I really want to do it. It’s the how, when, and where I’m not sure about. Ideally I would love to finish at Asbury since that’s where I earned my MDiv, but school of any kind is expensive, even moreso there. It may be that I continue working at Starbucks and take one class a semester online for the time being. I’m just not sure and for a planner, that’s a little daunting.

While I was packing up my office earlier this week, I saw this fortune taped to my computer. I remember the day I read it. Aren’t we all looking for that gift of contentment? I had become so complacent with my life that I didn’t even realize how un-content I was. Although I miss my co-workers like crazy, I wasn’t content in my job. And since I wasn’t really doing anything about that, I guess God decided to give me a little push towards something better. Don’t get me wrong, I learned a ton while I was there and I’m so grateful that Trinity allowed me the opportunity to work there and gain experience. Now I’m trying to take life one day at a time, cherish the incredible support I have from my wonderful friends and family, and enjoy the journey.

P.S. Happy Belated Birthday to my wonderful friend, Kari Curtis! Miss you, friend!

This week has been weird. I can’t put my finger on what exactly has been weird. The weather outside has been perfect which just makes me want to lie in a grassy field somewhere and forget about life for awhile. It’s the end of the quarter at Tech which doesn’t directly affect me, however, due to the number of friends that I have that are students, I can sense the stress that has been rampant the last few days. Summer is around the corner, again something that really doesn’t affect me since I work full-time year round:) I’m approaching month 3 on the new job. I think one of the biggest challenges for my job is that a good portion of it is working on my own. For the most part I enjoy this; however, I often need to be inspired. I need someone who’s a visionary to dream with me. I wish I was a better dreamer….unfortunately I’m more of a detailed do-er. Give me a task and I’ll complete it to the best of my ability. I’ve decided that I need to incorporate dreaming/visioning into my job on a weekly or bi-monthly basis lest I burn out. It sounds simple enough yet so far I’ve struggled with it. I think I’m still trying to find my niche…my purpose for what I’m doing. Although Trinity has always been strong in Adult Education and Discipleship, it’s been mainly lay-driven. I think that’s amazing since they are the ones that are doing ministry on a weekly basis. I get to resource them, encourage them, and support them. I don’t want to become complacent…I want to know that what I’m doing matters…that somehow I’m making a difference. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the friends that I’ve made over the years. ALL of them are good at something…art, graphics, photography, fashion, design, teaching, inspiring. Sometimes I have a hard time pinpointing what it is that I’m good at. I wonder what it is that I bring to the table. I say this not to be self-deprecating. It’s just something I’ve been thinking and praying about the last several days. Today I just want to be inspired…

Check this out!

Thank you to so many of you who've been asking about my small group this week. Only 3 of us were able to get together, one of which I already knew, but it was still good. I tend to work better in groups of 3 anyway. This week I met Notosha. Not only are we around the same age and single, she's the children's pastor at Crossroads. We're already making plans to get together, hang out, and brainstorm children's ministry ideas together. Tonight our booths were across the way from each other at Dinner and a Movie at Railroad Park. I love seeing what other people are doing in their ministries and to hear how they're exceling. That's what being a community is all about; it's not a competition to see who can get what family to our church. A friend of mine and her family went to Dessert Fest last weekend at Christ Community. Her kids absolutely loved it! Because of that, they are going to go back and visit one Sunday. They grew up Catholic so they're excited about trying out different churches around the area. I think this is so great. This weekend is a crazy one. Last night I helped Starbucks serve coffee and tea at a Healthy Woman seminar the local hospital sponsored. Tonight was Railroad Park. Tomorrow is Time out for Tech with Starbucks. Sunday is children's sermon, my least favorite Sunday of the month. I continue to learn that just because you're good at something doesn't mean you enjoy doing it. Children's sermon....case in point. I'll be glad when Sunday afternoon is upon me and I can take a big ole nap!

Monday I turned 31. I spent it in my bed recovering from a stomach bug. Today my mom lost her job meaning that in just one year, both of my parents have lost their jobs. Is this really what being an adult is all about because if it is, I'd like to go back. I am certainly very thankful that I am employed with 2 jobs, one I love and one I'm hoping will someday blossom into something that feels like me. However, I've never felt so helpless in all my life. My parents gave me everything I could ever ask for and have supported me for the last 30 years of my life and there's nothing I can really do to return that. I have school debt upon school debt upon school debt along with the other grown-up bills of life like rent, car payments, and food. The Lord has been teaching me for a long time that really all I can do is just let go...let go of the control that I so much want to hold on to, let go of what I think I want, let go of my life. He's been teaching me this for 31 years and I've yet to still get it. Maybe this will be my year. He and I have been having lots of conversations about where I saw myself at 30 and it has not lived up to my expectations. It's not necessarily bad...He certainly knows what he's doing but I'm wondering if I ever will get to that place. Will I find someone to share my life with? Will I figure out what I really want to do with my life? I don't have the answers to these questions but I have to trust...

Last week our church sent my parents a check from an anonymous giver for $1000.
Tonight, my dad brought my mom a dozen roses.
So today I choose to trust.

So I wasn't off on Friday like I normally am, hence the reason I didn't post a new blog. We went to a ministry conference in Shreveport Friday and Saturday. It was put on by Frazer UMC in Montgomery, AL. Trinity recently read "Treasures of the Transformed Life" as part of our stewardship campaign and John Ed Mathison, the author, headed up the conference. I had met him a while ago at Asbury. It was good to reconnect with him and hear firsthand what God is doing at their church. It definitely came at a good time for me because I've been feeling the beginning stages of burn-out due to lack of volunteer help. Hopefully we can get that figured out soon. I was encouraged by how many on staff started out in a different position that didn't work and then moved into something they're really passionate about. That is my hope.

My weeks continue to be filled with work which I suppose is good since I don't have money to spend but I figured out last week I barely saw friends outside of Starbucks and Trinity. That's never good. I think I'm going to join a new small group at the end of the month that will meet during the day...very convenient when you work at a church!

Tomorrow is move day...sort of. They're having to repair a couple of things so my landlord doesn't want me to stay there but I can at least move my stuff in since I had already lined up a few friends to help. I'm super excited and did I mention, super broke:) Yay for tax returns!

I have a new addiction...the tv show, Heroes. My best friend told me that if I started watching it that I would love it. She was right. When it started last season, I just couldn't fit another show into my life. I had Lost, Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, House (occasionally), Gilmore Girls and Studio 60. Gilmore Girls ended last year and Studio 60 was cancelled (stupid tv critics!). Since Lost doesn't start til January and two of my shows are no longer, I thought I'd try it. I went to Movie Gallery last Friday and picked up the first disc. I watched it all in one sitting, got back in my car and got the second disc! This past weekend I've watched discs 3, 4, and 5. I only have one left...3 episodes!!! I found out today that after spending close to $20 on renting the first season, my friend John has had them all along. He's bringing me the last disc tomorrow! I have another crazy week ahead of me so it may be Friday before I watch it, but at least I don't have to worry about late fees! I'm 3 episodes behind on the new season, but thanks to the great technology of the internet, I can catch up in no time!

I'm always amazed at how life works sometimes. I was so looking forward to my day off on Friday...sleeping in, a noonday hair appointment that included a cut AND highlight (I haven't done that since January), a few errands, and whatever else that I wanted to do. I ended up staying up late Thursday night watching Grey's Anatomy and Chuck on the internet. I love that these tv companies have decided to air their shows online, especially when I forget to record them! Anyway, it was close to 2am before I fell asleep and I woke up at 8! 8am on my day off! I immediately noticed that I couldn't breathe. Great! I first thought it was allergies...my body is still adjusting to being back in LA, not to mention that it's still really hot in October! But, it's now Sunday and I'm still congested and feeling groggy. I'm not a good sick person. I did get my hair cut and highlighted, but I didn't feel well the whole time I was there. Then I remembered that I had told a friend I would cover an hour and a half of her shift at Starbucks b/c her husband had to be at work at 5 which meant she had to take over kid-duty. So I headed up there from 5-6:30. I'm always happy to help Sarah out...she's incredibly generous and will help out with shifts whenever she can, which is unfortunately rare in our Starbucks world, so she generally gets stuck with everyone else's shift and rarely can get someone to offer her the same favor. I just wish it hadn't happened on Friday. So, that was my "day off." I'm learning I need to be a little more protective of it, especially considering that there are a few Saturdays such as this weekend when I will be scheduled to work at Starbucks. When this happens, Friday really is the only day off I'll have for the week.

Tonight I agreed to spend the night with my 3 Godchildren while their parents are in Hot Springs celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary. Although I love spending time with them, I'm a little worried about how this is going to work with me being sick AND having to work from 9am-11pm tomorrow. Yikes!

This week looks to be a crazy work week. We're getting ready to do a teacher training with our Sunday School teachers on Wednesday night so the first part of the week will be spent preparing for that. Monday night I'm closing at Starbucks, Tuesday night I have CPR recertification with my nursery workers, Wednesday night is the teacher training and Thursday night we have an Education Committee meeting. My week is exploding already and all I can think about is Friday, when I will attempt to have my Sabbath for the week, only this time I will have nothing scheduled in my calendar and hopefully I'll be well by then to actually enjoy it:)

I feel like I'm whining...I'm not a fan of that, so thanks for listening to me whine today bloggy friends!

I'm discovering that this blog is becoming a place for me to share my ridiculous stories of being in children's ministry. This week it's all about Alphabits. You remember that cereal, right? Lots of sugar yet you could spell words as you ate your breakfast. Education in a bowl...doesn't get much better than that! This week I've learned that Post has discontinued this beloved cereal. Why? Something to do with low sales, I presume. Apparently Alphabits has gone through a couple of changes since my childhood, first taking the frosted marshmellow approach. This was not received well, so in 2005, Post decided to make a healthier move and take out the sugar making the letters out of whole grain goodness. Well, maybe not goodness. According to the reviews I've read on the world-wide web, this transition was not received well either. Everyone wants the original Alphabits back! Although I somewhat share their enthusiasm, all I really want is a cereal my preschoolers can spell their names with and also eat for snack on Sunday. Is that too much to ask? Sigh. On my hunt for Alphabits I came across this video. We kids of the 70's and 80's know what good cereal really is!

I'm sorry I've been MIA in bloggy world this week. It was my first week full-time at the church plus still working a couple of shifts at Starbucks. By the time Saturday rolled around all I wanted to do was stay in bed. Besides going to Garrett's cross-country meet at 10, I spent the rest of the day napping and watching movies. It was actually a perfect day.

The new job is going well. It can be a bit overwhelming at times trying to learn everything, but the staff is great and building those relationships has been invaluable. I haven't had to empty any more relish jars, but we did have to wrap 66 books to represent the books of the Bible. That was quite a task! I'm blessed to have an intern who's doing her practicum at the church this quarter, so she's been really helpful to do those important tedious tasks 8 hours a week.

Today I took the afternoon to hang out with my besty, April, who's in town for a couple of days. Words can't express how much I miss her. Of course, one of our favorite hobbies when we're together is shopping so my pocket book has benefited from the separation. We made up for it today though. Tomorrow, another good friend of ours from college, Mary, is coming in so I'm looking forward to some more good girl time.