grace eventually.

Thanks to my friend, Steve, I got those lyrics I was talking about on my blog Sunday.

Shaken by the truth that You are God
No deed can bring You pleasure
Or word add measure
To who You are
I lift my heart in worship
Taken by the truth You are God
Silenced by Your virtue
Surrendered and in awe
Of who You are
Bless the Lord with all that's in me
Bless the Lord
May kingdoms fall and rulers crawl
Before Your throne
I want to give all of me
I'm givin' You all of me
I want to give all of me
I'm givin' You all of me

This morning I actually got to worship at church. It's funny how when you work at a church, it's really hard to find that sacred space for yourself to worship. Responsibilities and tasks seem to trump it every week for me. This week I was determined. I wish I could find the lyrics to one of the songs Scott sang this morning...it pierced my heart. I'm limited on time right now but I intend to continue searching for it so I can post it on here. Anyway, before we sang this particular song, Scott led us through a personal prayer time of relinquishing the most evident thing in our life that keeps us from truly praising Him. This is always easy for me, not the relinquishing part but the identifying part. It's my singleness. As much as I don't want that to inhibit my view on the Lord's goodness in my life, sometimes I let it. So with all that was in me, I relinquished...again. I don't know how long it will last...I'm sure I'll have to relinquish again before the day is over. As much as I thought moving back home would make it harder, in some ways it's been easier. There have not been many men for me to even be interested in here....I feel as though I'm surrounded by mediocreness (is that a word?) in that department. I feel sort of judgmental saying that, but let's face it, the pool of single men my age around these parts is slim. Looking back on past relationships, I can see those that have spoiled me and those where I've settled. I don't want to settle....I shouldn't have to. In the past few weeks I've met someone. Now don't get all excited, it's just a crush on my part really, but getting to know him, I don't see mediocre. He loves the Lord, he's responsible, he's smart, he's genuine, he's kind, he's respectful, he's funny, he's cute....he's also unfortunately young. It's weird to be my age and have those all too familiar feelings of butterflies in my stomach and that anticipation of when I will see him next. I feel like a school-girl. At the same time, I'm trying not to make more of it than what it is...a potential new friend. He reminds me that it's okay to have high standards and that there are still good ones out there. I don't want to be cynical, but I want to be okay with who I am as a single woman. The thought of being alone the rest of my life scares me...it does, but I do love my life. I love my independence. I want God to be enough because he is, I have to completely trust in that. So today, I choose to relinquish.

I always forget how much I love Louisiana in the springtime. I think it's because it lasts for a millisecond then dreaded summer hits. I'm crossing my fingers that since we had such an odd winter (snow) that maybe this summer will surprise us and we won't reach the 100+ humidity range. I'm not sure what the Lord was thinking when he created humidity. Of course, on the other hand, when I was living in KY I learned that the reason my skin was so dry and I stayed sick in the winter was because of the lack of humidity and I had to go out and buy a humidifier. I recently threw it away since I'm now back in the South and because it sprung a leak and water was all over my floor one day. My car has also decided to play a funny joke on me and not blow out that ice-cold air that I so much depend on during those hot summer days. Yesterday I got an unwelcome glimpse of what my summer could look like if I don't get it checked out. Since freon has already been put in my car this year, I now know that the problem is most likely serious...a.k.a expensive. I'm trying to prepare myself and trying to hold out til next month when those lovely government rebates get doled out.

I'm ready for the weekend. TWO whole days off!!! That's a small miracle. I will be painting a wall in my bedroom, hanging out with friends, going to see Sweet Charity at Tech, and sleeping late! I can't wait. Oh, and I almost forgot...watching Grey's Anatomy and Lost. I have to close at Starbucks tonight so I'll be taping those!

Thank you to so many of you who've been asking about my small group this week. Only 3 of us were able to get together, one of which I already knew, but it was still good. I tend to work better in groups of 3 anyway. This week I met Notosha. Not only are we around the same age and single, she's the children's pastor at Crossroads. We're already making plans to get together, hang out, and brainstorm children's ministry ideas together. Tonight our booths were across the way from each other at Dinner and a Movie at Railroad Park. I love seeing what other people are doing in their ministries and to hear how they're exceling. That's what being a community is all about; it's not a competition to see who can get what family to our church. A friend of mine and her family went to Dessert Fest last weekend at Christ Community. Her kids absolutely loved it! Because of that, they are going to go back and visit one Sunday. They grew up Catholic so they're excited about trying out different churches around the area. I think this is so great. This weekend is a crazy one. Last night I helped Starbucks serve coffee and tea at a Healthy Woman seminar the local hospital sponsored. Tonight was Railroad Park. Tomorrow is Time out for Tech with Starbucks. Sunday is children's sermon, my least favorite Sunday of the month. I continue to learn that just because you're good at something doesn't mean you enjoy doing it. Children's sermon....case in point. I'll be glad when Sunday afternoon is upon me and I can take a big ole nap!

One of my biggest struggles since I've been back in Ruston is finding a place where I belong...a group of friends that I can totally be myself and hold me accountable to my sinful self. This week I ran into an old friend, Brandi, in Starbucks. I was delighted to see her since I knew she had recently moved back to Ruston as well. As we shared our similar struggles to find community within a group of women that are at a similar place in life, she began to list the names of other women that she knew directly or indirectly that might be interested in starting a small group of some sort. I was thrilled. The next day Brandi e-mailed us all and on Wednesday night 4 out of 6 of us will meet for the first time at Starbucks. It was a much needed reminder that God has not forgotten me here, even on those days when I feel like I'm alone. I know that I'm not alone. I have great friends from my past and from Starbucks. There's just something about meeting with other women that are around my age who understand what it's like to be single yet still hoping that someday the Lord will fulfill that desire of my heart. And the other cool thing is that most of us are in full-time ministry so that's just another thing we have in common. I'm excited about the prospect of having these women journey with me.

I know it seems like I've disappeared. I haven't. I just can't seem to remember the all too important task of blogging every week. I'm going to try to do better. Promise. In the meantime, I must go back to work.